There is an old saying, “The One That Got Away!” This usually refers to the lover that you wanted more than anything, that you found to be beautiful or handsome, that you had knockout sex with; but despite your best efforts, just did not love you back the same way. In short order you are dumped and your heart is broken. But time does cure and eventually you move on to a healthier relationship. One with less fireworks, but one which is steady and in which you love and are loved in return. And then BAM! Out of the blue, the one that got away calls and wants to hook up! What to do? Do you give in to your carnal desires and fulfill the fantasies and the longings that have been sizzling in your mind for that ex? Do you take the chance of possibly destroying your present relationship and hurting an innocent person?

Let’s face it, we have all been there and many of us have given in to this temptation, often with disastrous results. The usual outcome is not only losing a loving relationship, but to add insult to injury, the one who got away, has not changed. It’s still a one way relationship. You are just the plaything. You give and get little in return. Soon the one who got away, gets away again, and you are left with nothing!

Understand and never forget that you were likely never in a healthy relationship with the one who got away. The reality is that when you love and desire someone, and that person does not feel the same way about you, no matter your efforts, you will be viewed as less than or even desperate. Human nature dictates if you don’t have to work for something, then you will not respect or desire it. That includes relationships. So next time you are placed in this moral dilemma, just say “no!” Let the one who got away, stay away.

Dr. Jeff Gardere is a psychologist and contributing expert to EXaholics.com