A date does not equate dating, exclusive dating or a monogamous relationship. Instead a date, is an opportunity to get to know one another and filter.

Strategic dating is the key to successful dating, and in order to be strategic you will need to take the time to travel down 'Relationship Past' memory lane. Your previous relationships (including friendships and professional) offer a myriad of information and tools that are beneficial for your current and future dating life.

To date strategic means to use your tools to filter suitors in order to select the best fit. Your tools are obtained from your previous experiences. Which qualities and characteristics expand your happiness and highest good and which ones constrict it? If you do not know the answer to these vital questions, you are not able to filter appropriately and as a result will continue to date the same 'type' of individual, engage in the same type of behavior and adhere to the same beliefs that continue to result in the same undesired outcome.

Once you have identified the characteristics and qualities that compliment and constrict you, the next step is to analyze self;

• what role did you play in your previous relationships?
• Do you engage in thoughts, behaviors and/or beliefs that constrict your relationship?
• Are there emotional wounds you need to heal BEFORE entering into a romantic relationship?
• Are you physically available (single) yet emotionally unavailable because you are still hung up on an ex or some other unavailable person?

When you have (1) identified the traits, and (2) healed your emotional wounds the next step is to be honest with self and identify your purpose for dating (before going on your first date).

• Are you interested in casual dating where you two occassionally meet up for social activities while dating other people?
• Do you desire a monogamous relationship with a goal of marriage and children?
• Are you interested in a physical (sex) relationship and if so do you desire a monogamous sexual relationship or an open sexual relationship?

When you are clear about your dating intentions you will date accordingly. The number one complication with dating is when both parties are not on the same page. A date in itself is not synomous with dating, exclusively dating or a monogamous relationship (an assumption many women make). It is imperative to articulate your intentions, desires and expectations. As an adult woman, you should never be in an 'undefined' space and/or have sex without knowing the relationship status/expectation BEFORE getting naked.

 

Misha Granado is founder of The Relationship Consultants and a contributor to EXaholics.com.