If manipulation is the sport, then Instagram is the performance-enhancing drug (PED). After a breakup there is a significant desire to feel better, and often we think that this can be accomplished by spying on our ex to ensure that they aren’t doing anything questionable. The theory being that if they are seemingly as upset as we are, then I’ll feel better. This however makes sense in theory, but in practice is a losing proposition. Here are 5 reasons to stay off Instagram in order to speed up your attempts to feel better and move on from your ex.
1. What you see is not actually what you get: Anyone can post a picture, #hashtag the hell of it and get “Likes”. It is hardly a real representation of what may be going on in one’s life and can make it seem like your ex is doing better then you.
2. Distorted pictures can distort your mind: The distortion or enhancement features on Instagram apply a manufactured appearance to pictures. This can also manufacture your distorted thinking about your relationship and make you think about times, places, events together in an altered, positive manner.
3. Pictures may be directly trying to make you feel badly: I know that we would never imagine how dirty our ex’s can play at times, but I want you to never underestimate the manipulative power of an ex. Your ex may be “liking” other’s photos, specifically with you in mind, knowing that you will be stalking their account and trying to teach you a lesson.
4. Nobody believes in privacy anymore: While your ex may not be deliberately trying to hurt you, it doesn’t stop others from accidentally putting you through the emotional ringer. Other people’s pictures with your ex, likes of your ex’s pictures, specific hashtags (#coolestguy, #somuchfun, #wanttomakeoutwithhim, etc.) can unintentionally destroy your attempts to get over your ex.
5. “Everything looks worse in black and white” _Paul Simon: No matter what you do, pictures with no explanation will always be worse in your head. The narrative that you come up with to describe the scenario depicted in the picture will often be way worse than what’s actually happening in reality. You are your own worst enemy when you start to try to imagine what is happening in a picture, and it will only slow down your attempts to move on from your ex.
In conclusion, since we all know you won’t have the discipline to not creep on your ex or his or her friends on Instagram; Get off of Instagram for the time being and save yourself the potential pain that looking at new photos of your ex can cause.
Dr. Matt Borer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an EXaholics.com contributing expert www.mattborer.com
